tuesday and the pack.

As I sit here with my second cup of coffee and trying to tell myself that my bank statement can't be that low I have come to realization that my first year of college is at its end. A week from today I will be back at home in Raleigh only to stay there for school at NC State University in the fall (who would have thought). A year ago if you told me I would have been at NC State I probably would have laughed in your face. I was ready to leave, ready for mountains, new people, and I was ready to find out who I really was as my own person without anybody else telling me what I should be doing. My first year of college was one that made a big impact on where I was, who I am, and where I am going; sometimes even more than I want to admit. I will remember the hiking, the drives to Asheville for a burger with Kevin, running out of gas on a mountain, the tattoos, the late night talks at lookout, long drives home, sitting in Starbucks with people talking, Tucks on a Thursday night, the tears, the phone calls home to mom and dad, late night text messages with my best friend being 400 miles away and finally understanding some of this crazy life. I have seen Jesus do some crazy things with me being here at Western. He has placed some crazy people in my life (some of them actually being crazy, hehe) and other just being there for me when Jesus knew I needed them.

My heart is anxious for what is to come, and sometimes it doesn't truly feel like everything that has gone on has only been within a year. To come to Western, to then decide to transfer to NC State.

I recently read an article that hit me square in the face about realizing out anxieties, and becoming aware of the worries we have in our lives that distract us from what is important, and it calls us to trust Jesus.
"Jesus also invites us to become aware of the anxiety in the middle of our life. He urges us to see the distraction inherent in our self-important doing. And out of awareness Jesus reminds us that we have choices. We can adjust the to-do list. We can let go of the self-justifying doing. We can risk and trust that Jesus receives us when good enough is all we have in us. But many of us are so addicted to doing that we cannot imagine centering our lives in something as impractical as what Mary chooses."

As much as I wish I knew what was going to happen in my life after I leave here well I don't know. But I think that is what makes it all worth it. This year I have learned to be more like Mary. To sit at the feet of Jesus and to listen, to forget about impressing others and trying to be perfect for everyone. And for now I will continue sit at the feet of Jesus and let him have control.

While I am currently writing my life away and dying of some sinus infection, I am happy to say a week from today I'll be in Raleigh... For Good.