time.

december 6, 2014 - 12:25 pm eastern standard time
location- morning times.

my current view is exposed brick, a man reading his kindle, and the journal in my lap that not only has seen its days but also has coffee stains, pictures, and letters from my wanderlust friends. today since its rainy, cloudy and cold i decided to run away from the idea of studying and to go downtown and journal and drink coffee. morning times was busy and when i finally got in line i heard the conversations of the kids behind me. one girl mentioned how she was called to jury duty on her birthday and as she was complaining her friend said "it cant be that bad you're getting paid for it". the girl butted in on that to make the remark "time is money so i better be paid for this". since my phone was dead and i was very into the idea of ease-dropping i listened closely. i was filled with not only rage, but also disappointment by what that girl said. since when did money become the thing that drives us?

when i was journaling i saw the innocence of the little kids in front of me. i walked by them at first and the little girl cracked a smile at me. i sat down in a corner near them and started to journal. there was a table of them- four adults an seven little kids. when they got ready to leave the parents started helping get the jackets on the kids. one little girl anxiously jumped up and down so she could hug her little friend bye. she didn't care about a thing except that moment in time. and i think that's how it should be. to take in the moment and drive on that. not the worldly things the people around us tell us that are important. 

ironically i was reading through my blue book and in my reflection for the day it said "we are too prone, too conditioned to listen for all the other voices that urge me to go here, or do that or get done this mandate, we sometimes think. but then we also long for that other voices"

a year ago i was driven on living in the fast lane..literally. i was hell on wheels and tried to do as much as i could because i thought i had to right in that moment. what did that lead to? lies, hurting people, being gone all the time from my family and not to mention a major speeding ticket that i got because i lied. i was driven on doing all i could in that exact moment. after the ticket and basically feeling like a major failure for all that had happened i left for two and a half months for maine. there i was away from family like i had been all my first year at school. this time it was different- i learned not only that i cant live up to the expectations everyone holds me to but also that i am in no way perfect. i had to slow down and understand god's timing in things. i had a wake up call. 

i called my dad while i was in maine on a rainy day when i was stuck in the office. i was talking to him about going to boston on my three days off that the staff got. he told me one thing- "your life starts today"- he told me to learn from the past but don't let it hold you down. that your life starts here, now, in this moment and to take full advantage of that. 

i want a small house, the person i love, a ten-speed bike to ride around on, coffee every morning, to experience different cultures and to take photos and hear stories of the people around me. i don't want to live on a money basis where that is what drives me; but to rather grow in my faith, and to love well. 

if money, peoples opinions and expectations of others didn't exist- what would you be doing? what would make you happy?